I know that it is important to start traditions and rituals in a family. with that said, I also know what a big deal my birthday used to be for me. as a teen, it was like I woke up a year older, more beautiful, and in a way, more “blossomed” so to speak. My birthday used to be a day of Clarissa being an exception to the rule.
so why did things go down hill once I was married? ah, so there’s the answer right there. marriage. enough said :) but seriously!?!? it obviously has something to do with expectations. you know, wishing for my hubby to be my mother – bear with me – who seems to know all and knows exactly what I need and want. maybe it has to do with financial situations – although, I would pretty much go into debt to get one of my loved ones something they wanted… the hubby has a better head on him – one that is driven by rationality and not the emotional connection to getting someone the perfect gift. maybe it has to do with the extra 30 pounds I carry around from marriage and motherhood – maybe you don’t deal with the emotional burden of 30 pound, but I sure do – when I don’t feel good in my birthday suit, it shouldn’t be my birthday. maybe it has to do with me not being able to be the exception – not being able to stop motherhood or responsibility – or even pee alone.
so, for the past couple of years, I have tried to not think about these things, although they have plagued my mind since my birthday in hawaii 6 years ago, when for my birthday I got a haircut and a jacket that didn’t fit and we took it back and that was that…
but like I was saying, since learning about successful families, I have started a tradition with abi and now brookie that we have a special lunch together and then decorate my cake to eat for dinner. I let the girls pick the color of the cake and frosting and they help with everything from licking to… licking. it is something that I cherish and look forward to, hoping that someday, they will continue on with it in their families when they wonder the same thing.
so tomorrow when I am closer to my thirties than to my teens, I will try to push all those plaguing thoughts behind me, and try to strengthen my family… one lick at a time.
3 comments:
:( Oh, oh oh oh. All of what you say is reverberating with perfect intonation in my wife and mom ears. It sounds so familiar! It seems as though birthdays have gone from a wonderful day of getting things you really want to a forced smile of getting something you need but can't afford so it's saved for a special day. I really hear you and totally sympathize! There are times when I wonder if it's so wrong to want a day...just one day, when I feel amazing and don't have to give every ounce of my body and soul and can laugh be totally amused and happy and pampered all day. These days, my birthday usually involves getting a haircut...something I should be getting every 8 weeks anyway, but it's too expensive, so it's saved for my birthday. Well, Happy Birthday anyway! I know it's not the same as it used to be, but you are wonderful and are doing a great job!! Your children will rise up and call you blessed for your sacrifices. I really hope you get to do something super fun...and hey, my birthday is at the end of the month, and I think we should get together and have a super-tastic birthday dinner dual-celebration!!
i think that if we voice early expectations, in the kindest way possible, and ask about their dream days and expectations, most sweethearts want to, and will make it happen for us.
Well said Ilene ... "the bean"
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