I remember that mine tried a lot. We did it during family night but as teens I don't think we were ever really interested in participating much.
Now that I am married, this brings in a whole new dimension... Dan! He is Mr. Unstructured and I'll-Just-Plan-On-A-Whim guy! It adds for some pretty crazy situations with my background of "If it's not on the calendar, it isn't planned period!" The calendar has kind of become this taboo type of thing, but we are getting better! What are some ways that you have worked in family counsel?
Family counsel isn't just about planning, it is about checking with each family member to see how they are doing physically, socially, emotionally (never a great flood gate to open in this house), and spiritually. It is a way that families are to connect with each other to plan for family time and to make sure that everyone is on the same page. What are some of your favorite family times? Is it just being together around the dinner table? Or when you are on an outing or a vacation? How far in advance do you plan for these times?Just a lot of questions to get your juices flowing... would love to hear from you!
6 comments:
Remind Dan of his mission days when there was a planning session every night (or morning) and one day a week there was a several hour planning period. On the mission every 30 minutes of your day is planned (the blue planner!), and once a week you have 'companionship inventory' Its good for a marrage too.
I don't even know what "family counsel" is! Ethan's family does a little plan session every FHE to see what people have going on for the week.
I'm not sure how to go about all this because I like planning things (to an extent), but I think the focus of FHE should be on the lesson and spending time together. Maybe talk over dinner every night would be better?
How fun, I love family counsel. In fact my little Mary knew what family counsel was before she was 1 year old. Whenever we have a family counsel we all hit the ground with our fists, like a judge. Mary and Christian always do it. It is a good way for me to know they need to discuss something. We family counsel about everything together! I am a big fan!
I love seeing all the pictures of your sweet little family! Say hello to your Mom for me if you get a chance. I've been thinking about her a lot lately since my new calling is in the Young Women's. She did so much for us girls, I just love her to pieces! Tell her thanks for me too. :)
Jeff and I "family counsel" every night while we're laying in bed. It's not a very planned thing, but is pretty consistent. After we say our prayers we lay in bed and talk about the emotions of the day, not just the events. We talk about Lily and her needs. We talk about what we want to get done the next day. We should probably be better about real family counsels, and I like one commenter's advice on using FHE as a time to schedule the rest of the week.
We always had Family Council Sunday night after dinner, often with dessert (incentive!). Dad would start with the youngest (quicker and they could be dismissed if they got rowdy) give us kids each two minutes (timed; easier to have clear expectations)to bring up anything that we needed or wanted to mention. That was your sacred time, void of anyone else's comments. That part was important because if just anyone could talk, not only would you feel disrespected but we'd get off on tangents and it would take FOR-EV-ER. You could say anything like, "I'll need new church shoes soon; can we go shopping?" or "I hate having dishes on Wednesday," or "I need to earn some money." Then after "Concerns" we'd have "Calendering," where Mom would read over the calender for the week, day by day, and if you had something to add, that was when you said something. Our family was like you, Clarissa, where if it wasn't on the calender, there were no guarantees that it would happen. Mom would try her best to make it work if you forgot, but if it couldn't work, maybe you wouldn't have the fabric that you wanted for activity night to sew pajama pants with the MiaMaids.
We'd also have opening and closing prayers, and dessert as I mentioned.
Sunday night right after dinner worked great, sometimes if there was a fireside we'd have to do it afterward. But everyone knew it was coming and could expect that they were supposed to be there, so not a lot of grumbling really.
As we got older, it was more frequent that the young kids would be dismissed and the older kids would stay for more serious discussions, like helping to plan vacations, or if we were doing something that really bugged someone else, or even some gospel discussions about what we talked about in church that day.
Every night at dinner my kids each share their "Highs and Lows" from the day. It's pretty revealing, even about the toddlers. They also come to appreciate what is valuable and stressful to each other and their parents. They know dad likes days in the machine shop better than days in meetings.
We call the first FHE of the month Family Counsel. Here is the routine:
1. family night song, prayer, favorite songs (standard opening routine)
2. learn the primary scripture for the month
3. Family Recognition-compliment, acknowledge, cheer the achievements of each member 1 by 1.
4. Review Calendar for the month-kid version. It hangs on the kitchen wall and shows only the main attractions for the kids. I have my own detailed version somewhere else. This month it shows Valentine's Day, Cookie Decorating party, Grandma's visit, and the first day of Swim lessons for Quinn! I do it mostly to help them learn the concept of time.
5. Pay out allowance, count tithing, savings- it is much simpler to pay once a month vs. every week. You can actually be successfully consistent.
6. Family Hug and FHE treats (weekly routing)
When I get down to detailed family planning I try to do 3 months at a time b/c 1. that is about how often I can pin Aaron down for a planning session that intense, and 2. that is about the natural rhythem of a lot my life cycles.
We rough in the details on the following:
1. Aaron's church schedule
2. visitors and trips
3. Temple trips and Saturday adventures
4. FHE topics
5. A weekly gospel topic of study for us as a couple
It's mostly calendaring, but that entails so many of the other aspects of life and marriage for us.
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